12/26/09
12/25/09
current loves
Black&White
anything that resembles the classic Miss Jackie'O
Lauren Conrad
Window shopping at Anthropologie
Making memories
Mr. Ryan Adams
Wonderful fashion sense & brunette hair
Really hot men with facial hair
merry christmas
the end.
-e
12/24/09
wilco & ambien
Here I am. midnight.
i am bartering with my wandering mind - attempting to pin it to the ground, and wrestle it enough to where it will be receptive enough to my wishes, and i can fall asleep by serenading myself to wilco.
today was a hard(er) day. i smiled though it, but now that i'm in my bed with my snoring kitty, my eyes are heavy and my heart is about to burst from my bottled up emotion. I don't want to feel so angry and sad. i am still not myself - sometimes i feel like who i once was, and would like to be, but then i remember all that pain and i clamp shut with anxiety and feel the need to want to run away for, like, days.
i am trying, but i am scared.
i am lonely, yet surrounded.
my heart just wants to go home, but when the home is gone, does that make my heart homeless?
cheers to a brighter tomorrow.
-e
i am bartering with my wandering mind - attempting to pin it to the ground, and wrestle it enough to where it will be receptive enough to my wishes, and i can fall asleep by serenading myself to wilco.
today was a hard(er) day. i smiled though it, but now that i'm in my bed with my snoring kitty, my eyes are heavy and my heart is about to burst from my bottled up emotion. I don't want to feel so angry and sad. i am still not myself - sometimes i feel like who i once was, and would like to be, but then i remember all that pain and i clamp shut with anxiety and feel the need to want to run away for, like, days.
i am trying, but i am scared.
i am lonely, yet surrounded.
my heart just wants to go home, but when the home is gone, does that make my heart homeless?
cheers to a brighter tomorrow.
-e
12/23/09
walking in the snow
have you ever gone out walking in the snow?
tried to get back to where you were before.
You always end up not knowing where to go.
If you've ever been out walking in the snow.
If you'd ever been out walking you would know.
-brandi carlile
i have noticed that even in the coldest places it is possible to find warmth, and even in the oddest places inspiration and internal serenity can be brought into light. walking out around in the snow, trying to find your way back to where you were before, is reminiscent of a rock trail leading the way home. Only difference is that if you wait too long to change, or return home, your tracks melt into the ground and you are left there to lie on the hard unwelcoming dirt where you can choose to pray to find direction, die, or be found.
beauty, grace, elegance.
-e
tried to get back to where you were before.
You always end up not knowing where to go.
If you've ever been out walking in the snow.
If you'd ever been out walking you would know.
-brandi carlile
i have noticed that even in the coldest places it is possible to find warmth, and even in the oddest places inspiration and internal serenity can be brought into light. walking out around in the snow, trying to find your way back to where you were before, is reminiscent of a rock trail leading the way home. Only difference is that if you wait too long to change, or return home, your tracks melt into the ground and you are left there to lie on the hard unwelcoming dirt where you can choose to pray to find direction, die, or be found.
beauty, grace, elegance.
-e
12/22/09
healing passage #1
A few weeks ago i escaped death. There is no reason i should still be alive, but for some reason I am still here, and god's angels surrounded and protected me.
Although my body is in one piece and i am healing, a lot of me is still in pieces emotionally this christmas. I didn't see my life playing out and crashing down on me how it has this year. I have never felt pain so deeply as i have during 2009. There is this rather large chunk of me that still feels completely broken, terrified, angry, and breathless...... but no longer do tears drop daily on the keys, with my fingers dodging the puddles. i am beginning to breathe and (re)learn that though trials and adversity something that stays true about me - that the only thing that is whole for sure is my love for the temple, and my savior - [in the temple] i try to seek answers. A peace comes where i can seem to gather enough strength to get through the days, and each morning begin again to "pick up the broken pieces of the dream i once had."
someone catch me.
Although my body is in one piece and i am healing, a lot of me is still in pieces emotionally this christmas. I didn't see my life playing out and crashing down on me how it has this year. I have never felt pain so deeply as i have during 2009. There is this rather large chunk of me that still feels completely broken, terrified, angry, and breathless...... but no longer do tears drop daily on the keys, with my fingers dodging the puddles. i am beginning to breathe and (re)learn that though trials and adversity something that stays true about me - that the only thing that is whole for sure is my love for the temple, and my savior - [in the temple] i try to seek answers. A peace comes where i can seem to gather enough strength to get through the days, and each morning begin again to "pick up the broken pieces of the dream i once had."
someone catch me.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)