wilco & ambien

Here I am. midnight.

i am bartering with my wandering mind - attempting to pin it to the ground, and wrestle it enough to where it will be receptive enough to my wishes, and i can fall asleep by serenading myself to wilco.

today was a hard(er) day. i smiled though it, but now that i'm in my bed with my snoring kitty, my eyes are heavy and my heart is about to burst from my bottled up emotion. I don't want to feel so angry and sad. i am still not myself - sometimes i feel like who i once was, and would like to be, but then i remember all that pain and i clamp shut with anxiety and feel the need to want to run away for, like, days.

i am trying, but i am scared.
i am lonely, yet surrounded.
my heart just wants to go home, but when the home is gone, does that make my heart homeless?

cheers to a brighter tomorrow.


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